Grow up Peter Pan
I feel a lot different then the way I taught it would feel. For some reason I feel like I would have been happier about the whole thing if he never did contact me, and I was left to my own imagination. I felt comfort in the idea that he was apart of my past life now. Because that’s what this felt like, I feel so disconnected to the person he was when I loved him. Granted I’m not the same person he loved back then either. I was seventeen when I feel in love and it was by far the greatest thing I have ever experienced. I look for it like a drug in everyone I meet and to be without it definitely has its withdrawals. That was five years ago. But yesterday you decided to check in. I hate myself because I love the fact that you even thought of me. Maybe that makes me weak, but hey excuse me for feeling. Regardless of the fact that the only thing that prompted this sudden connecting is the fact that you girlfriend broke up with you. At first I was shocked, then I was smug about it, now I’m just sad. It just reminded me of how much time has passed. It makes me sad I haven’t had that love like that sense. But it also pisses me off that I feel that. I absolutely rock the single life but I would still rather fall in love. I watch to many sappy love movies to not want that. Even though I could never go back to what I used to have I realize that I need to start moving on. I feel like apart of me is still holding on not only to that connection I once had but also who I was when I was seventeen. My youth is hard for me to let go off, change is something I struggle with accepting but like most things in life it’s inevitable. I feel like I needed this disruption to realize what I’ve been doing. Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you sometimes.